funemployment in the bay

"oh, so what do you do?" - anon(s)

june 8th 2024. i left toronto for san francisco. since then i've learned alot on how to take care of myself. i typically spend my mornings meal prepping, afternoons for working on side projects (ironically its the only thing i really "work" on) and evenings having casual conversations with friends or cooking again.

my sleep schedule is also pretty solid. these days i go to bed at about 12:30 am and usually wake up naturally at about 8:00 am. overall, i'm pretty happy here. i think i've found a sort of balance in my life which i was missing during my time in university, and at home.

but i'm not working right now. i think the majority of people who i know -- or at least spend time in person with do. in replacement for the time i would be employed, i try to dedicate my weekdays to building whatever my heart calls for -- at the moment its my tpu. there's really nothing else that i find myself interested in but i feel this is the most meaningful thing i have.

i think there are plenty of things i could learn while employed. but they wouldn't mean anything to me if i didn't care about it. frankly, i love making bets on myself. and i'd rather try and figure out my next thing. or seek opportunities related to what i find *most* interesting as opposed to thinking about working on what brings me pure joy -- or childlike play. i think that was the coolest "unlearn" i had so far this summer.

because truthfully, nothing that i "work" on right now brings me pure joy -- or evokes sustained childlike wonder. i've observed these comes in cycles. and i'm carefully optimistic that i can continually prolong these short windows of joy.

i also think reframing my thought to what i find *most* interesting vs fun opened a lot of new avenues for experimentation. i don't think i would have started my tpu project otherwise. its sort of a cool white pill -- thinking i can grow to be passionate about the things which i'm not right now. i'd be lying if i said i loved working on my tpu project. i think thats a part of growing.

but i feel a deep sense of fulfillment. i think its a pretty S-tier feeling -- in that i feel like this is the best thing i can do -- and i'd like to emphasize -- *at the moment*. and i certainly wouldn't trade this feeling away for any other.

i'd say joy is a fleeting feeling. it comes and goes at its own schedule. but fulfillment can be derived from habitual activities. things which stay. and for the most part, are completely in your control.

i guess the motif i'm trying to sprinkle around in this writing -- and (hopefully) communicate (from personal experience so far) is that to figure out your next thing, its probably best to work on what you care about right now. however that *doesn't* mean it must immediately bring you joy.

cheers,

Evan